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How dare he assume he would get sex from me on the first date! After taking a couple of calming breaths, I asked him what gave him the idea that I was going to have sex with him on our date. He seemed hurt, and equally shocked that I was upset. After further discussion he explained that he got that impression from watching American TV shows like Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives. But when I finally did I had a much better experience.
It helped tremendously with my expectations. I still had a few other shocking experiences though. While spending a weekend in Dubai I met a nice guy from India and spent most of the weekend with him. A few days later he left a marriage proposal on my voicemail! Here are some helpful things to keep in mind. Beth and her boyfriend, Kirti, living it up at the Grub Fest in Delhi. I am lucky to have beaten the odds and to have found a great boyfriend in India, but it did take some effort. I hope you will step outside your comfort zone.
You never know where you might find love. Beth Bauer is an author, freelance writer and entrepreneur working as an expat in India, and is soon going rogue. Follow her adventures at www. Though i am not in India now.
I think many of the points are true. Especially guys presuming foreign women would expect sex on first date. It is unfortunate you got to meet the weird variety of men from my country. The problem is, particularly in cities like Delhi, it is rare to find someone who is serious. Trust me on this, I find it hard to understand Delhi girls despite being from here though I have lived outside of my native place most of my life. Too bad you had such a terrible experience.
Well written guidelines, but in India, parents irrespective of having a son or a daughter, do worry about their kids even when adults. There was some hypocrisy in the previous generations about the girl not getting to take care of her parents in cases where the daughter was the only child of parents , many young Indian men of this generation are becoming more and more open to care for their in-laws after seeing their own parents struggle.
Having the presence of elders at home from either or both sides is seen as a matter of respect, especially when you have young kids at home. They often teach things to kids which help them mature and become more stable than working couples leaving their kids alone due to hectic careers, thus leaving them vulnerable to false peer pressures and wrong habits.
Toss in how the Kardashians dress and some from different cultures get mixed — on in their minds, clear — signals, and just go for it. Being polite, not being offended by their misunderstanding and dissolving any confusion by stating your intentions can definitely help set things straight. But a bit of compromise is good in any relationship I guess…. I agree with the stereotypes and it is super conservative in Udaipur, where I live so it is good to be cautious.
I am in a relationship with a non-India. I have an Indian friend and he is one of the nicest guys on the planet. He knows he has no shot as he is also friends with my partner, but when I returned from a visit to the States, he brought me flowers. He has also escorted another friend of ours all the way to Delhi by train with no expectations of getting lucky. I think he is a rare bird on the planet, not just in India. I agree with Beth, be safe, know some of the cultural differences and if you want to date in India, have fun!
Nice to see your take on it Betsy. The only issues I ever dealt with is when I used to do massage people would ask me on dates after? It was just so inappropriate and happened a lot. I nearly died when I read the part about the marriage proposal via voicemail!
The Dbag Dating Guide to Indian Men
Never experienced this myself although when I started dating my Malayali boyfriend I remember being a bit flabbergasted at how quickly he wanted to put a label on our relationship. Thanks for writing this post, I think if more white women knew what to except and understood Indian culture better they might give more of these guys a chance.
They might even find the love of their lives: I agree to a lot of things that you say here. Your experiences are also pretty interesting especially about the guy who assumed sex on first date seeing some sitcoms which is a very clueless 90s thing to do. I agree that that Indian men need a bit more maturity when it comes to dating as the concept of romance is still culturally a bit different from an Indian point of view and there are biases.
Comments and thoughts on it are definitely helpful for women traveling and dating in India. It is well written and I believe the people you have met are of mentality you have described. But it is not true for general males of India. Most of us know basics of dates and do not follow the trends of TV shows like Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives you have mentioned. Most of the foreigner in Goa, Kasol, Rishikesh meet guys who are either drivers, hotel managers, yoga teachers or agents or friends of them who are not well educated to understand feelings of a girl and basics of a relationship.
I would propose to get along with teenagers of your age like college students, corporate guy because most of these youngsters are known to the facts like Dressing modestly, pulling out a three pack of condoms on the first date.
Yes, I do agree that most of boys in India do live with their parents before marriage and usually their wife also get along in the same house. But it is because India does not have the fashion of separate house completely. But It is now changing since most of them are working in Delhi, Bangalore, Chennai and they buy their own house with the same logic. I have so many best friends in Goa who are Indian men. It would be false to hide the other side of what happens here. Instead of being annoyed that other Indian men do this and worrying it makes you look bad, realize that this IS happening, and people are traveling India dealing with this and try to do positive things to balance this out or help stop these things when you see them happening.
It makes me feel ashamed, but this is really a problem. Indian men to then to think that foreign caucasian girls are easy of course not everyone is like that. There are a lot of factors to that. Cultural difference, media, porn, etc. There would be many cultural differences that both the parties will need to get used to and understand. Not many Indian guys will date any girl for like years before getting married.
The concept of dating is not that prevalent over here. So expect a marriage proposal sometime within 6 months to a year, if the guy is serious about you and sees a future together with you. I just cant believe miss jones, to be in goa you left your nursing career? I Feel really ashamed as an Indian to read such a shameless act committed by my own countryman. Anyway, hope that no one else encounter such incidents in the future…. You talk like a saint. I know lots of things about USA and how they treat girls. Can I show you?? Indian men and women are attractive enough and we should be that to each other.
As a nation that is continuously insulted by western countries and similar states as a nation of poverty-stricken savages or an ugly group of people who want their white women, the least we can do is grow some self-respect, marry our own kind and work towards developing our own state with heads held high. I can relate…I have some friends who are crazy about these stuffs so they just ignores Black or Brown girls over Whites,which I presume is Racism. I have some Foreign friends so I know how much is it to live in India as a Foreigner…there are some morons with their annoying behaviour and you may have already seen this across Social medias,how they are crazy about getting them but there are also nice people.
Found this article because my boyfriend lives in the US is Indian, and his family is all still in India. He is preparing to let them know I American exist, and I was just looking into what to expect. The story that a man took out 3 condoms in parking lot appears fake and over exaggerated for the following reasons. Of course it appears funny and is useful in forcing people to read further. He parked the car at a restaurant and not outside a hotel so why would he show condoms suddenly.
It is almost impossible to have sex in parking lot of any Indian restaurant. This idea has been picked directly from Hollywood movies 3. As an Indian man binge watching American shows and even my friends have been watching American shows from a long time but desperate housewives or Sex in the city are not quite popular among Indian men. So that mention also points out to the some fakeness. Before starting the story it is good to sort out the facts right. Foreign readers who are the intended audience might believe coz they are not aware.
Your first thought is to assume the woman telling this story is a liar and exaggerator… interesting! Wow, some very interesting anti — India propaganda there, as usual! I am Indian , live now in Kolkata , but was born and brought up in Berlin, Germany. Berlin is an international city, and I have seen German , British , American women all do their thing, living it up. I am also aware of how often white women become victims of date-rape and gang-rape , courtesy their oh-so-civilised white boyfriends.
And then ,suddenly , when you all come to India, you all become virtuous, decent , self-respecting ladies! Who do you think you are fooling? And I have also been to the United Arab Emirates, where I have seen white women tourists get into cars with complete strangers- rich sheiks by the way, in order to sell sex for money. Where was their sense of self-respect then? We ,the intelligent, widely travelled population of India have called your bluff long ago.
Therefore it is difficult to stereotype Indian men but I hope to provide a perspective that is closer to reality for a specific kind. If you ask me the source of inspiration to write this article, I have to give credit to all my female friends that have dated an Indian man at some point and discussed with me about their situation. This is my 2 cents about the Indian men. Most of them absolutely love Cricket. If you make any effort to learn and enjoy the game, it is likely that they will treat you like princess of India.
They also did not have the luxury of enjoying various sports because of lack of funding to support other sports and games. All of them love Indian food. If you are not averse to eating and cooking moderate to high spicy Indian food, they would love to cook for you. I can also guarantee that cooking is something they are familiar with.
How else would you live in foreign country where most of the items in the market are new to you? Therefore a lady who is good at cooking and cleaning is very sexy and heart warming for them. They grew up with mom and servants doing chores for them. They do not expect you to replace that role in entirety but hope you understand their background. Usually they are not afraid to express emotions compared to American men. And so touching and hugging male friends is pretty common. Throwing the arms around the shoulder with someone of same sex is a sign of close friendship.
They are likely to tear up in a movie theater for sentimental content. Take a napkin with you for a movie date. They tend to adopt traditional life style with the expectations of raising kids.
How to Date an Indian (Advice for the Non-Indian)
Their philosophy is to sacrifice their lives for kids and family. They expect that the grand parents help raise their kids. They do not prefer smoking and excessively drinking women as they associate feelings of instability in marital relationships as a result of living that lifestyle. Note drinking is not so common in India. Things may be changing as I write. Most of them grew up in families with servants and so taking care of their laundry and dishes is not their cup of tea.
In India, the cost of labor is very cheap. If you have travelled overseas to third world countries, it is very attractive to them. Note that India is a country with filth and neatness stacked side by side. They usually avoid cheese. Note primary diet of most Indians is vegetarian. They are all religious yet exceptionally tolerant. They would believe their gods and would agree with you that your god is equally good. Religion to most of them is usually loose in terms of practice except the Christian and Muslim ones. Note India has million Muslims, 30 million Christians and million Hindus to give the layout of tolerance land.
That makes them feel that you are just going to be pain in the butt for a long term relationship. They love women who decorate themselves with jewelry and a make-up. Let me explain this clearly. They do not like women obsessed with beauty and feel the need to be a doll every minute of the day. But the gesture of presenting herself gorgeously in appropriate events is a sign that she is interested in the man and they feel respected.
Learn a thing or two about India besides the mainstream content. The other side is extreme poverty, no strict law and order observance in society, caste system, corruption and pollution. They in general tend to identify their values with fiscally conservative Republicans and socially moderate Democrats. I would say that they classify themselves as Centrist with democratic leaning. In other words, they do not want to be taxed but want to be in a party that is not overwhelmingly Anglo-Saxon in value system. This attribute is because they are caring and usually assume that people are friendly to begin with.
The dating novices are likely to tell you that they love you in second or third date if you shared a good chemistry.