Giving up on dating at 40

With friends, you get to hang out without worrying what it looks like. Girlfriends have invited me to share their holiday meals when I told them I had no plans. When I asked a guy I was dating to include me in his family Thanksgiving because I had no one to spend it with, he said he was afraid of how it would look. I never saw him again.

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Our idiosyncrasies are what make us who we are. Too staid for them! My friends and I split everything. And we understand if one of us says something is too expensive. But we go to nice places, order good food and do fun stuff. A few of us have dated really cheap guys. There are plenty of cool, reasonably priced restaurants. I can get relatively cheap take-out, put it on attractive plates at home and serve it with nice wine. My fiends get the idea that instead of trying to have a really small tab, we can just stay home. Just as they are now. Then we can end all these ridiculous distinctions.

And my stunning, intelligent girlfriends may yet want to date again. But the drugs of the eighties have staunched my creative abilities. I think there is an unwritten rule somewhere that widows should move out of their marital home after their spouse passes away. A couple of men have asked me about that. I have changed many things since my husband passed. It holds warm memories of my spouse, but so many other wonderful past and current memories. I guess they think if I move to a new environment I will not miss my husband as much….

Thank you for the great article. Thanks for the awesome comments. I too have great memories associated with my lovely home I put a lot of effort into fixing up. Debbie, I just love everything you write, and this is no exception. After years of increasingly disappointing dating after my husband died, I came to many of these same realizations and started doing what really fulfills me.

I like your positive attitude and wry observations. Thanks for telling it like it is. Thank you so much Nancy! That is just wonderful to hear! This post came out of my last two weekend dinners with my girlfriends.

When I resurfaced bit after George died, I focused on dating. It took me too long to realize I needed to create a life with friends and activities I loved. I would like to go out with a nice woman in the near future, preferably a woman who is around my age.

It would be so nice to have a conversation with a woman again and not my teenage boys. However, I have a question to ask. While, I am not disillusioned as it pertains to marriage I have no wish to marry again. I loved being married because of who I married to and not the idea of marriage. Would my not wanting to marry again be a deal breaker for many women? Your not wanting to marry again would be plus for some women. All that matters is being straight forward about what you want when it eventually comes up.

And being cautious and taking care of yourself when you feel ready to date again. Thanks, Debbie I appreciate your advice. Nonetheless, I keep moving forward with life and getting my life in order. I have many similar complaints, and have kind of stopped working at it but still interested. It allowed me to lose 30 lbs. It acted like a focal point. I'm a grudge holder, to boot, so I don't belive that "happy" is a necessity, just a bonus.

I won't even try. I've read enough to determine that I suffer from too many flaws, mental, and behavioral issues, on top of not earning enough money, not being college educated, and not having my own place, to make me ineligible to play the dating game. Too many issues to overcome, too old to change. I mean, life sucks, in general, but I'm still here, going to work 5 days a week, hitting the treadmill, 6 days a week, going to the odd movie, if there is something good playing, going to the coffee shop, for some "me" time, no friends, just me.

I'm not happy about it, but what do you do? Insidious Send a private message. Women push for commitment like crazy. They want to get married just like before, except now, they have almost zero incentive to STAY married. Women getting married isn't the problem. Women dynamiting the family because "waaah not haaaaapy" or "life is hard and diapers suck" Women these days are as fickle and flighty as they are stubborn and bull-headed. This is not the kind of person you want to enter into a marriage contract with. It surprises me more marriages don't end in divorce.

How many men out there just suffer silently and drink to deal with the stress. For me, I don't buy women food so they can critique my financial situation and compare my looks to "Chads and Cads". I won't ever marry or cohabit with a woman again. I don't be daddy to some other guys kids and end up paying more child support!?! Way too much trouble and pain for what she brings, which sadly these days is just a well used vagina and serious attitude.

Sorry, not a fun game. DickThrobbing Send a private message. The Zen of the day Men have opted out, ladies. Men are just temporary Invest in catfood companies! Here is what "intelligent" woman are learning in "Woman Studies" in university campuses.

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Women have given up on monogamy, which makes them uninteresting to us for any serious relationship or raising a family. We even have to pay for the kids a wife has through adulterous affairs. Reality44 Send a private message. Most women today unfortunately aren't nothing at all like the old days when they were real ladies back then which most of them really were, and today most of these women are just a real joke altogether which is why many men now are going MGTOW the very safe way and a lot less aggravation too. That depends on the women, or the men that you are meeting.

If you live in a city full of douche-bags, not such a bad idea. I'd suggest that people, especially guys, hold off or take their time with dating. In high-school, in collage, you know nothing about long term relationships, how they can waste your time, or screw your life up especially for guys Don't stop, slow down and stop making it your priority, all consuming Dating is not about getting laid.

The goal is to find that good woman that will enhance you, and your life together Life can be grand or it can suck lemons. Who you choose to share that life with will have great impact on such. Go slow, choose wisely.

Giving up on dating? - guyQ by AskMen

Women are not worth the headaches anymore. Online dating is a farce and have to jump through hoops to find a date. I'd rather spend my money on my Harley Davidson, Cigars, and friends. I was married for 24 years, divorced 3 years.

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Edited on December 27, at Bandita Send a private message. I was looking for information and ran into this article. It surprises me how many have given up and have allowed themselves to become so bitter. I have tried at relationships but I myself have been tainted from youth with an abusive history growing up. Now that I see more clearly and am more secure and happier in myself I no longer feel that. When I say clean I mean honest and loyal. I do need to be attracted to my mate. I do need intellectual conversations and he most definitely should have a hobby that makes him interesting and that does not revolve around me.

I do like looking good and working out. I go on hikes and do outdoor activities to help my spirit. I do understand love and I know how to give and accept as well. The problem as that after getting over my dark inner pain and am older everyone around me is bitter and jaded. That in itself makes me very sad. People need to step aside of their superficial selves for a minute. Maybe take time for them to heal and get past the bitterness so they can become a willing giver, listener, lover and friend.

Sal74 Send a private message. Too many women think the only contribution they need to make in a relationship is to show up, and it's the man's job to make both of them happy. This reply was removed by a moderator. I'd date, but I can't have things my way. I don't want to look like a perfectly made up china doll for him every day.

I don't want to listen to him talk about things I don't care about. I don't want to be his cheerleader. It seems either women my age are shallow as hell or are so self absorbed. Very few people will admit to being a taker. I drank the better part of a mickey of whiskey and proceeded to make out with my host. The fader and I had been seeing each other for a couple of months. Actually seeing, not just scheduling appointments to bang.

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We texted every day in a fiery and amusing fashion, and shared a similar sense of humour. And yeah, we had a lot of sex. Then, I went home for the holidays. We said we would Facetime. I left town, a few days went by, and nothing. I received only short, delayed answers where before there had been boisterous banter. When I got back to Toronto, I asked him what the hell was going on. He was just in a holiday coma, he claimed. And work was crazy! Do you want to try again? He said it was anxiety. He said okay, mewed an apology and insisted we keep seeing each other.

The next week, he faded out completely. Cue me lying drunk on the floor. The shock came from the fact that I had taken such pains to clearly articulate what it was I needed, had invited him to have an open conversation and then ended up being entirely disregarded.